Acting Against the Odds

I am, by no means whatsoever, a performer. The thought of standing before an audience of strangers alike and having to convey impassioned, deliberately manufactured emotions is not a very pleasant one. Nevertheless, I found myself co-starring in a fifteen-minute-long two-person play during the fall of my freshman year at Wesleyan. The world of theater had always intrigued me, but always as a background role  with little attention and few lines. Sure, my study of ancient languages already demanded much memorization from me, but that seemed different; vocabulary words, noun endings, and principal parts were formulaic, passive, and impersonal, whereas performing live involved many other factors that were out of my control. And yet, holding my breath, I decided that college was the perfect place for me to try new things I was too afraid to do in high school.

Somehow, after weeks of rehearsal and against all odds, we were able to put on a successful show. I might have spoken a line too early, interrupting my co-star, and I had to persevere against an anonymous post on social media about walking by “the most PAINFUL acting rehearsal” at the same time and location as my own rehearsal, but in the end, it was all right. After all, I never claimed to be a decent actor. More than anything, in spite of how difficult it ended up being, I was proud of myself for challenging myself to undergo an experience I had always fantasized about but never worked up the courage to pursue.

My acting career started and died on the back patio of the science center, but this eulogy is one of pride and satisfaction. If I could remember dozens of lines of dialogue, execute pages worth of stage directions, and finally learn how to project my voice, then, as cliché as it is, it feels like there’s nothing I can’t do. I learned to listen, take instructions, and exercise control over an audience, skills that later proved to be valuable in class, club, and work settings alike.

I’m still not a performer, but during those fifteen minutes on stage, I learned that I can trick myself into believing that I am if I try hard enough. Even if I butcher my delivery and awkwardly express emotions I already struggle to convey as myself, I still put something out into the world. And no matter how fictitious acting may be, that was still real.

Watch a clip of the play here: